Do you seem to attract negative people? Does it feel like you are a narcissist magnet? Well I’m going to tell you why you attract these types of people & what you can do to fix this, and attract more positivity into your life!
First let me say that what you attract is what you are putting out into the universe (kind of like the law of attraction). Even if you aren’t aware of how you might be doing this, a lot of people do this subconsciously without even knowing that they’re doing it. You get what you expect & what you think you deserve deep down. So in order for you to attract more positivity into your life, first you must believe in yourself & believe that you deserve positivity.
. Self talk: Each and every one of us have an inner critic. Sometimes this little voice can actually be helpful & help to keep us motivated when it comes to achieving our goals. But, if your self talk is mostly negative instead of positive, how do you expect to attract positive things into your life if your constantly bringing yourself down with that little voice in your head? It all begins with you. You cannot blame other people for your misery because you have the power inside of you to change each and every outcome, simply by changing the way you react. I’m going to give you some tips below.
3 Reasons why we get mad:
. Excuses
. Lack of self control
. Blaming others for our weaknesses
Every single person on this earth has been angry at some point in their life & everyone has a right to feel anger(depending on the circumstances). I’m not saying that anger is a bad thing, because it’s not. It’s a natural emotion. How you deal with your anger, however, is crucial when it comes down to what you will get back in return. Some people when angry, choose to communicate with their partner & explain to them the reason behind their anger, others will hold it inside while the other person didn't even know they were mad.
A question to ask yourself:
What do I do when I am angry?
Do you talk about it with the person that made you mad? & try to figure out what it was exactly that got you mad? & then try to come up with a solution on what the person can do (or what you can do) to settle this, so that it won't happen again in the future?
2.) Do you hold it in & hide it, then later become resentful against the person that made you mad in the first place?
3.) Do you call a friend you can trust and tell them all of the detail? While making the other person look bad, just to have someone agree with you in the moment? So they can later on judge you & your partner in the future? (after you two already made up, the person you vented to will still view them the same way they did after you told them what happened on that day)
In order to understand why you get mad so easily, first you need to know that your mind alone plays a huge part in your daily interactions.
Another question to ask yourself:
"How am I"...
Attracting this behavior?
Causing this behavior?
Allowing this behavior?
Here are some strategies you can start including in your day to day life to start attracting what it is that you want/need:
Be friendly
Be positive (think positive)
Give sincere compliments
Share praise
Seek ways to help
Give attention
Share
Listen well
Express liking (when someone is talking to you or telling you a story)
I'm not going to lie to you. Changing the way you think, communicate, and react is not as easy as I'm making it sound. In fact, its the total opposite. It's hard! Especially if you've been this way your whole life. Some people were raised in tense households where they weren't able to properly express themselves, which followed them into their adulthood relationships, and the cycle continued without ever truly knowing why. Why am I like this? Why don't I say what's really on my mind, instead of acting like everything is fine? These are questions I have asked myself more than once. While growing up, when I would get mad or when my feelings were hurt, it only took that one time. That one time that made me feel like my feelings did not matter. My grandmother or grandfather would yell at me for something that I did wrong, and wouldn't give me a chance to tell my side of the story. So all of these thoughts and emotions were slowly being suppressed in the back of my mind, which made me extremely resentful. Every time I didn't say what was truly on my mind, or how I really felt about a situation, it only made the tension stack up higher and higher every single time I held how I really felt inside. Which eventually led me to attract negative people, negative events & a negative mindset. This is why it is CRUCIAL to use effective communication not only with the adults in your lives, but with children as well. (I'll discuss this in another post at another time).
But here is some advice for parents:
When your child comes home from school & you ask how their day was, and they start telling you a story about what happened today, LISTEN! Even if you're extremely busy, take the time out for a minute to truly listen to what he/she is saying. This matters!! This matters so much more than you may think it does. Because just like us, children want to feel like they have someone who will listen, not judge them, and feel heard! You can also ask them how they feel about what happened, and why they feel like that?
Moving on...
Negotiating Relationships:
. People do what works - in other words, people will do ONLY what you allow!
Whether or not you reward, punish, or accept their behavior, impacts their future actions.
Techniques for handling assholes:
Limit setting & Boundaries.
"Boundaries empower us to determine how we will be treated by others". -Anne Katherine
Basics of a Healthy Relationship:
Allowing others to be themselves
Mutual respect
Trust
Kindness & concern
Helping each other (not enabling)
Taking responsibility for you actions
Why do people treat you like shit? because you allow them too. You allow this behavior by accepting it, so therefor they feel like they can get away with it.
The only way to stop this is by using some of the strategies that I mentioned above. The moment you feel like someone crossed the line or the moment someone says or does something that you do not approve of, You need to say something to put a stop to it IMMEDIATELY. Otherwise, the other person will think that what they did or said was okay (how can you blame them if you never said anything), and they WILL continue to treat you this way, because you've allowed it in the past.
Long story short, This is something that took me a very long time to learn, but now that I've somewhat mastered it, I wanted to share everything that I've learned, with others who may be having a hard time speaking up for themselves when necessary. Use your voice, get rid of that fear that your holding onto (its not doing you any good!) You won't sound stupid, so don't be afraid of sounding stupid or feeling like your being mean by sticking up for yourself! Your NOT! If you don't stick up for yourself, and put others in their place when need be, people will think of you as vulnerable, even if your not, that is how they will view you. People will RESPECT you
more when you have boundaries and don't let others cross them without speaking your mind!
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